Thursday

This Is 30



Source Unknown



I went out with friends a few months ago wearing a pair of high heel shoes that I've worn several times without a problem, and had to secretly slip them off under the table to give my feet a break. My feet and legs were killing me so much that I tried to stand in one spot all night to avoid walking around, and the next day I obsessed over my inflamed pinkie toes as I swore to JESUS that I'd never wear anything but a practical shoe ever again. I was so upset, and I blamed it all on turning thirty.


I was given a big bag of scrap fabric and as I sorted through each piece, I excitedly put aside what I knew would make cute tablecloths with matching oven mitts and pot holders. I looked forward to spending the following Saturday at my sewing machine and may or may not have hoped that my husband would have plans of his own so I could be free of distractions. In that moment there was no denying that times have changed and I was in fact, turning thirty.


When I came to the realization that weekends without commitments are my favorite kind of weekends, I can no longer shop at Forever 21, and if it doesn't have SPF I'm not buying it - I knew I was turning thirty. When it dawned on me just how much I love waking up without a hangover so I can drink coffee and plan a productive day - I knew I was turning thirty. When I admitted out loud that I'd rather get a tan from working around the yard and that I'd much rather have a drink during the day so I can still get to bed at a decent hour - I knew I was turning thirty. When watching Jeopardy with a cup of tea and a blanket over my lap became an anticipated part of my weeknight routine, and when it became crucial that my friends and I compared work schedules in order to find time to hang out - I knew I was turning thirty.


And of course, there was no denying it the day I bought my first pair of waist shaping underwear. 


But now I am thirty.


And, I'm cool with it.


I took those ridiculous underwear off the first night I wore them. Rolled them up and stuffed them in my purse, took a deep breath and returned to the party where I could finally relax and enjoy myself. I didn't need those underwear or anything or anyone to make me feel good about myself. I am no longer an insecure woman who worries if she looks okay in a crowd or if someone already saw her out in that dress. I am no longer an insecure woman who spends her alone time anxiety ridden, wondering what she is missing or if anyone is missing her. I turned thirty with a long list of things I love about myself and things that I am passionate about; things that make me love to be alone like writing, reading, sewing, cooking, listening to music or simply getting lost in the peace and quiet of our home. I even love my body. I love to treat myself with bubble-baths and face masks and hair treatments and exercise. I love that I know my strengths and weaknesses and that I'm never apologetic for how I feel or what I want, even if it's extra cheese or gravy on the side or crushed Doritos on my salad.


The thing I love most about myself at thirty is that I can list all those things before listing the man I share my life with. I've learned to love myself first, which makes loving someone else and being loved that much better. I love that I'm not the same woman I was years ago, and the woman I have become is a woman I really like. 


And I'm only thirty.


Rachel Emmilee
XO

Friday

Hello, June!




I went for lunch all by myself yesterday. For the first time in twenty-nine years and three hundred and sixty days I chose to ignore the urge to invite a friend along or ask my husband if he had time to meet me. I took a table for one and sat far enough away from other folks that making conversation was not expected of me. It was nicer than I thought it would be, actually. I didn't realize it was something I wanted to do before I turned thirty until I was there doing it - sitting in a restaurant all alone. I didn't have to eat slow and careful so not to be caught with a mouthful of food at the wrong time and there were no awkward silences to fill with small talk in between bites. I didn't even care that I had food in my teeth when the waitress came to check on me. 



I opened my day planner to welcome June, my favorite month. Almost every square was covered in ink; exclamation points, doodles of hearts and balloons and stickers to brighten up the page. I turn thirty, two of my best friends also turn thirty and my sister-in-law and bestie turns twenty-nine. My niece turns ten, my new nephew is due to enter the world and my parents celebrate thirty-one years married. There's a heart drawn on the day Garett asked me to marry him and several hearts drawn on June 30, the date that marks five incredible years as husband and wife. This month also marks ten years out of college. Where did the time go?


There will be no shortages of parties, dinner dates or fun in the sun. There's even a staff BBQ and a weekend in Halifax penciled in, and you best believe I'll be taking myself out for lunch again... June brings with it so many reasons to celebrate. It will be the greatest kick off to summer 2017 and an even better start to my thirties...


Rachel Emmilee
XO