The Next Place

Today, May 18th, marks the third year of my little sister Christine's death. It's amazing how time goes by so fast but the memory remains so fresh and so new. I remember the weather that morning, the feeling of fear, the pain I felt in my chest, the confusion and the anger. I miss her everyday, but on this day three years ago, I felt my world crashing down on me. My best friend was taken from me, she took her last breath and she was gone.

The day after her passing I was gifted with a book that helped me find peace in it all. I read the book over and over and keep it on display in my living room. I decided to read it this morning and once again, it warmed my heart and made me feel calm.

The next place that I go will be as peaceful and familiar as a sleepy summer Sunday and a sweet, untroubled mind.

And yet... it won't be anything like any place I've ever been... or seen... or even dreamed of in the place I leave behind.

I won't know where I'm going, and I won't know where I've been, as I tumble through the always and look back toward the when.

I'll glide beyond the rainbows.

I'll drift above the sky.

I'll fly into the wonder without ever wondering why.

I won't remember getting there, somehow I'll just arrive.

I'll know that I belong there, and I'll feel much more alive than I have ever felt before.

I will be absolutely free of the things that I held onto that were holding onto me.

There will be no room for darkness in that place of living light,

Where an ever-drawing morning pushes back the dying night.

The very air will fill with brilliance as the brightly shining sun and moon and half a million stars are married into one.

The next place that I go won't really be a place at all.

There won't be any seasons - winter, summer, spring or fall.

Nor a Monday,

Nor a Friday,

Nor December,

Nor July...

And the seconds will be standing still, while hours hurry by.

I will not be a boy or girl, a woman or a man.

I'll simply be just simply, me. No worse or better than.

My skin will not be dark or light, I won't be fat or tall.

The body I once lived in won't be a part of me at all.

I will finally be perfect.

I will be without a flaw.

I will never make one more mistake or break the smallest law.

The me that was impatient, angry or unkind, will simply be a memory, the me I left behind.

I will travel empty-handed.

There is not a single thing I have collected in my life that I would want to bring except...

The love of those who loved me, the warmth of those who cares.

The happiness and memories and magic that we shared.

Though I will know the joy of solitude... I'll never be alone.

I'll be embraced by all the family and friends I've ever known.

Although I might not see their faces, all our hearts will beat as one,

The circle of our spirits will shine brighter than the sun.

I will cherish all the friendship I was fortunate to find, all the love and all the laughter from the place I leave behind.

All these good things will go with me, they will make my spirit glow.

That light will shine forever in the next place that I go.

-Warren Hanson

My Dear Sister, I love you and miss you more everyday.
Xo